Smile.
When I am lost, when I am alone amongst strangers. By train, by bus, in a breathing crowd of pedestrians, I grab a face at random and picture a smile upon it. Some smiles to knock me flat in the streets begging for more. Some grins to bare flesh and fangs. Still, the ugly and the beauty, whatever smiles to make the world a little less a lonely place.
No matter dark and brooding past, whatever murdered dreams and broken paths, we all smile once in a while, if not more but a shadow of a shadow of half a moon. Sometimes they talk to me, sometimes I answer, sometimes they smile for real.
It is times like this when life hits me, it is times like that I believe in God.
Once upon a time in Italy there was an italian man with the most brutal, mean and angry face I had ever laid eyes upon. I fired my most honest and innocent smile I could summon upon him, asking directions to a place I already knew. He did not prove me wrong, but reflected a cracked half of a moon back at me, answering my question and more. It all led to where it all leads to when a lost wanderer looses himself in the night. When I sobered up I sat upon a bench in front of a sunrise, my hand up a shirt which was not mine, mouth to mouth with a fat and ugly wench. After that I smile no more not even towards beauty, terrified what paths my heart would lead me.
It is times like this when life hits me, it is times like that I wonder if God really has plan.
Tell me, when did we start to blush and look away? When did we resort into glancing at strangers and gaze unfocused into the eyes of loved ones only when speaking words of what tomorrow we forget? Why did we stop to stare in awe at the world and reflect our souls in the eyes of strangers as only very adult chinese and very small children dare? When and why did we resort to glances and broken halves of moons? All those brooding pasts, murdered dreams and broken paths, I thought they would bring us closer, not staring harder at horizons we never reach.
Maybe in adulthood we reserve our souls for lovers, but I forsaked my lovers for the world and the world does not feed a hungry soul as lovers do. Today I stole the gaze of a child and she did not break away. Tonight I cried tears of joy.
It is times like this when life hits me, it is times like that I despair God has a plan at least for me.
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